Dear Summer

Pictured is myself giving my potatoes a drink after planting
them. My dog is not impressed, as you can clearly see.

I'm not exactly the green thumb type, but eating store bought tomatoes is downright depressing. Farmer's markets are cool, but if you want the good tomatoes, I mean the really good stuff, you gotta wait in line. There's this farmer's market in Granville Island where a grower from Kelowna has a stand and people literally fight over his heirloom tomatoes. I like tomatoes as much as the next person, but I'm not going to stay and line and risk a fight. I gotta stay pretty, you know what I mean?

See all those pots behind me in the photo above? All tomatoes, except for the one at the far right which is a flowering plant from the Philippines. It rarely flowers due to the fact our climate here sucks. But that's another story. We're talking about tomatoes. 

Each one of these will turn into a tomato.

I am reserving this plant for smoothie duty. 

This plant will bear Roma tomatoes, which are perfect for sauce.

I plant all my tomatoes in pots. The reason I do this is that tomatoes hate rain. It rains a lot here in Vancouver and I don't want to ruin all my hard work. I move all my plants undercover when it's necessary. This is important as well, when you water them, water the dirt and not the plant. Keep water off the plant and you'll have good tomatoes.

I found these during a recent cleaning of my pantry. They
were a little overgrown, so there's nothing you can do now
except stick them in a pot and wait. 

Potatoes are easy to grow. They are very hardy plants and are not fussy at all. All you got to do is stick them in the ground. If you want small potatoes, plant them in a pot. If you want big potatoes, plant them in the ground. They will take advantage of all the space you give them.  

The start of a delicious relationship.

Each one of these little growths will turn into a separate plant.
So before you plant these little babies, cut them
accordingly.

In a couple weeks, the potatoes will sprout. Water them once in the morning and once in the evening. They're not like tomatoes, so they like rain. In early October, the plant will die. When they do, that's your cue to dig them up. That's it.

Soil.

Cut accordingly.

Good night. See you in October.

Fried Chicken: Not just for coloured people

Let's talk about stereotypes. You see jokes everywhere about black people and other coloured folk and how they get hypnotized by fried chicken. However, every stereotype is based on the truth. Coloured people LOVE fried chicken. We fuckin' love it. It's true.

But why is does the stereotype only apply to coloured people? Anywhere you go in the world (well, all the places that I've been to lol), you will find a recipe for some sort of fried chicken. EVERYONE LOVES FRIED CHICKEN. EVEN WHITE PEOPLE. 

It all makes sense. Fried chicken is delicious. So in honor of  stereotypes, here are photos of a stereotypical coloured person (me) making fried chicken.  

Pictured are myself and superstar rapper Waka Flocka Flamme
outside of  Roscoe's Chicken and Waffles in Hollywood, CA
after a recent recording session.

This is serious coloured people food. And by coloured people,
I mean white people too lol

The day I did this, T&T was having a sale on chicken. During a special occasion like this, I have to call in sick. I just had to. I'll be honest, I call in sick quite often because T&T always has sales on chicken.

My deep fryer is busted. I broke it frying chicken. So being the stereotypical coloured person I am, I never bought a new one. To this day it is still sitting in my cupboard collecting dust, Hoarders style. Luckily I have a pot, a thermometer and some oil.

Ingredients

Chicken pieces, preferably on sale

All purpose flour, for dredging

1 litre cooking oil

Salt and pepper

If you google "fried chicken recipes" you'll find all sorts of different recipes out there. Some of them get marinated in buttermilk, others get the flour, egg wash and bread crumb treatment. Not mine. Season the chicken liberally and dredge it once in seasoned flour and into the hot oil until it's done. That's it. 

I don't serve it with coleslaw, potato salad or any of that sort of nonsense. Serve it with rice and some banana ketchup, if you're feeling adventurous.

Season the chicken before dredging it in the seasoned flour.
Go easy on the seasoning in the flour as you have already
seasoned the chicken.

You want to fry at 375 degrees F. Heat the oil to 425 or so
because the temperature will drop as soon as you drop in
the chicken. 

Keep an eye on that thermometer. If you're cooking outside,
the wind will make temperature control difficult. 

Happy Father's Day!

I know that Father's Day is over and everyone on the internet has already posted the fantastic times they had with their father on Instagram. I only posted one pic due to the fact I was out on the Pitt River on a fishing trip with my Dad and my phone with satellite internet ran out of battery.

Pictured is my father (left) posing with
our guide (right) and the biggest Spring
salmon I have ever seen. 

Well, we sure did catch a lot of salmon. If we were on a fishing trip with white people, we would have had to  throw them all back. My father and I are smart, as you can clearly see. We went out to the Katzie First Nations in Pitt Meadows, BC to catch the big one.

To make a long story short, it was a rainy day in Pitt Meadows and there sure were a lot of fish in the river, lol. We didn't take that huge one home. Our guide would not part with it. Who could blame him?! But we still took home a bunch of nice sized fish, including a Spring salmon (which is my favourite). 

WILD BC SPRING SALMON IS ON SALE TODAY AT
DWIGHT'S BUTCHER SHOP

As soon as we got back to the crib, I set up my butcher shop in the backyard and meticulously cut the fish. I scaled the fish, gutted them and filleted them into perfect 10oz portions. I also left the skin on. Then I cooked them the only way I know how, with my Coleman Grill.

Ingredients

Freshly caught wild BC salmon, whichever you have or whichever you like best

Olive oil as needed

Salt and pepper

So I set up my Coleman Grill to medium high heat, slathered the pieces with olive oil and grilled them all to a perfect medium rare. I didn't make any side dishes. No potatoes, no salad, nothing except for water. When it's this good, you don't need nothing.

To measure doneness on a thick piece of WILD BC SOCKEYE,
look at the side of the piece. This bunch needs about three or
four more minutes.

Here's some of the pieces from that big Spring pictured above.
Note the lighter halibut-like color of the flesh. Halibut texture,
salmon flavour. World's best eating fish, imo.

Special thanks to the Katzie First Nation in Pitt Meadows, BC!

Cooking and cooling equipment provided by: Coleman Canada

Back To Basics

Toast turns this into breakfast. Salad turns it into lunch. Either
way, it's all delicious lol

   If you want to work in a good restaurant and you're serious about getting the job, this is the recipe for you. Gordon Ramsay said, "When you hire a chef, get him to cook an omelette. That way you know whether or not he can properly cook." To cook anything, from salads to prime rib, you need to know how to control your heat. However simple an omlette may be, to cook one properly requires precise control of heat.

   Being the ridiculous person I am, I have thrown all these rules out the window. I turn the heat up as hot as it can go. Really hot. I mean pan smoking, fire alarm tripping hot. 

   And guess what? I still got the job lol

Ingredients

3 free range eggs

a bunch of button mushrooms

liberal amounts of the cooking oil of your choice

salt and pepper to taste

   So the first thing you want to do is turn the burner up to 10, max, whatever is the hottest setting. Put your pan on. Use a small omlette pan. Make sure it's a regular pan. NO NON STICK PANS. While it's heating up, beat your eggs. Take half of your mushrooms and smash them with your hands. Oh yeah, don't forget to wipe your mushrooms beforehand with a damp cloth. Mushrooms don't like to be washed. They like high heat as well as liberal amounts of salt and pepper. 

When the pan is screaming hot, add your oil and mushrooms. Season liberally and shake the pan so they spread out. Leave the pan alone. Don't move the mushrooms for a minute or so. This will allow them to carmelize and become delicious. The other half of the mushrooms should be tossed in olive oil and tossed on the grill. Season liberally. 

When I say, "liberal amounts," I mean it. Mushrooms are like
sponges. They soak up oil. They also soak up water, which
is why they should never be washed.

The mushrooms on the grill are cooked in the same fashion as
the ones in the pan. Screaming high heat.

Once the mushrooms have some color, you will want to add your eggs. Use your spatula, because everything happens quick here. As soon as the eggs hit the pan, mix the eggs around vigorously to make sure it cooks all the way through and to make sure the mushrooms are distributed evenly.

Before spatula.

After spatula.

    Wait 30 seconds or so and shake the pan. Push it back and forth. If you have done it right, the omlette will slide around in the pan. This is your cue to get it out. Slide it out onto a plate. Be real smooth and fold the omlette in half as you are sliding it out. This takes a lot of practice to get right.

   The residual heat will cook the inside of the eggs. This leaves the outside carmelized and slightly crispy, while the inside is smooth and velvety. Garnish with the grilled mushrooms and serve for any meal of the day.

The whole process should take 5-7 minutes from start to finish.